A little story on family estrangement. Sometime ago, a college bound son left home to go to the U. of Hawaii. That event caused enough stress all the way around to last an entire lifetime; and then the lost black sheep drops out of college, returns home, gets married and comes up with even more complicated issues like gender identity, that surfaced; after I was far removed from that drama of life.
Shit happens” is a popular observation that bad things can happen sometimes for no reason at all. And here’s another one. My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.” – Forrest.
I’m presently on, I think, a five or even a decade long embargo on my youngest of three sons; and about a years worth of hiatus on one of my nephews.
Why you might ask? They say that time heals all, it really does and also causes one to also forget the “why” part of the equation or is this a human puzzle.
Perhaps by now, they’re the ones embargoing me and I don’t know it. Embargos after a few years don’t seem to work, take a look at Cuba. Other words I suppose I could use for a similar outcome are to ban, restrict, or even interdict. The opposite can be to allow, to let, to permit, or even to suffer.
This just shows you how like on a TED talk, people can make something pointless sound thoughtful and intelligent like in a comic book sort of way; only in real life – you only get to live it once.
This isn’t how anyone envisions a relationship with the youngest of three adult children to be; which is a great reason for always in life planning on having a spare of anything, if you are able to.
Even the word “estranged” is so foreign to me. “If you are estranged from your family or friends, you are not communicating with them – that’s about it.”
It’s their loss, not mine I firmly believe and if you don’t see it that way then maybe you should go for a little therapy or a long walk, like a camino or two, until it’s totally resolved in you.
And while I’m on this issue of estrangement I will also say that it’s important not to become a burden to your children or spouse. Don’t overeat or drink whatever unhealthy food you want; don’t smoke a lot, don’t be a couch potato, do go for an annual physical checkup and listen to your body first and then your second opinion doctor.
“Cutting off” if you don’t know is simply a way for people to manage anxiety when they don’t know of a better way. The love is there but, the ability to solve our differences may take as long as Cuba to solve theirs with Washington. Ending a people embargo is usually up to the otherside.
Know now that you can be the perfect parent and still turn out a crappy kid or be an extremely conscientious parent; and that kid or grandkid may still want nothing to do with you, in your older years. Everyone I know goes through some types of challenging times with their people pack – they just don’t tend to advertise it on a blog.
In this lifetime you must do the things that make you feel the most alive; otherwise you’re not really living; you are simply existing, and that’s the biggest danger of all.
A guy by the name of Gerry Spence, once wrote about a dog, which reads: “The wisdom of my dog is the product of his inability to conceal his wants. When he yearns to be loved, there is no pouting in the corner. There are no games entitled ‘Guess what is the matter with me.’ He puts his head on my lap, wags his tail and looks up at me with kind eyes, waiting to be petted. No professor or sage ever told me I might live a more successful life if I simply asked for love when I needed it.”
I stopped trying to fix things with some people a long time ago. We only have one lifetime and in the end I don’t need things in my life, that are there to bring me down, as there’s too much good almost everywhere I look.
Time is a strange thing and I’m still learning how to live my senior years to the fullest. “Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved “. – (winnie the pooh)