Marathon/Florida Keys

We’re happily seated and slowly beginning to feel the sights, sounds and festivities all around us at the 2012 Marathon, Florida Keys Seafood Festival.  Slowly I begin to season my first dozen oysters on the half shell.  The seafood they are selling is fresh and cheap; even the adult beverages like margaritas and beer are easily found and plentiful.

First I add Tabasco and then some lemon juice.  Magically, as if on cue, the over the hill band begins to play; songs from the likes of Eric Stone and Jimmy Buffett.  At about the same time as the music starts I take notice of a Cowboy hat wearing bosomy middle aged vacationing woman; possibly from far away Michigan or New Jersey.  She strolls her way swaying to the music and suddenly onto the four foot raised stage.

While up on stage she continues the action of swaying and moving her arms and body wildly to the Caribbean sounds of the music. To us, the audience, the woman now appears as part of the band but, things are not as they first appear.

The members of the band appear a bit perplexed at this new arrival that is disrupting their island escapism music number.  Even while they exchange strange glances they don’t miss a beat.  They’re actually surprisingly good.

To those paying attention and not shopping for boats, boat parts, or other crafts or souvenirs, the audience can tell that the band does not like this woman, pretending to be their lead dancer. 

The on stage drama now starts to unfold with the likes and feel of a Mexican novela. One can easily cut the humidity and the tension building up on stage.  Suddenly, we observe one of the bands guitarist taking matters into his own hands.  He has finally had enough of this trespasser. While playing his guitar he casually at first, tries to dislodge this bosomy stage stalker.

The guitarist starts out by slowly bumping the woman with his hips, ever so gently, before applying a full force bump.  No success.  No matter what he does, the woman just won’t get off the stage. 

A second guitarist then takes over, this guy goes in for a full force frontal attack; suddenly, from our vantage point, the audience witnesses a bosomy stage stalker, fly off the stage; much the same way as a sailboat that has just hit its first major rogue wave. The woman falls, Marathon style, at about twice the distance and/or depth of most Florida Keys waters.   The audience explodes in laughter at the sight.  Momentarily the woman stays put, possibly waiting for some other type of audience reaction.  The band and nearby spectators even applaud the bold musicians actions.  The first round of this match goes to the lead Guitarist.

But wait – there appears the possibility of a round two in this fight. After the catapaulted woman gains her full composure; she meanders back onto the stage while the musicians continue performing. A different song is now playing but, it appears that the same scenario will soon unfold.

A new, heavier guitarist now takes over the job of keeping the stage stalker off the stage.  This time the audience can witness the additional reinforcements arriving, by way of a female Sheriff’s deputy and real life prisoners, backing the Sheriff up! Now how often do you see that happening. Blue Lives Matter!

If you suddenly find yourself in the same predicament as this woman please ask yourself just one question- WHAT GOOD WILL BECOME OF THIS – IF YOU CONTINUE?

The woman’s keeper finally decides to make an appearance.  He tries unsuccessfully to also plead his case as to why his woman cannot join the band on stage.  Same answer, different time.  No she is told; you can only dance down here, on the Florida keys crab grass.

Perhaps it was the beer, the tattoos or the margarita lyrics that inspired her fifteen minutes of fame. Too late. A female Sheriff decides that a police escort using a strong arm lock is now warranted.  The audience agreed and we easily go back to our food and drinks. Oysters, blue grab or bbq shrimp, Marathon style. 

Thank you Marathon Seafood Festival – for the great music and entertainment, Florida Keys style!

“Preserving Marathon’s Historical Heritage” Presented by OFF (the mosquito repellent) – and no, I’m not making any of this stuff up – “Organized Fishermen of Florida”.

Trawlercat, Circa 2012